Come to our Nightclub: Cheap drinks and underage, suicidal, horrifically abused sex slaves hang out there.

While in North Queensland I got the local entertainment guide to decide what sort of night time activities I’d like to indulge in. Before deciding on ‘Ladies night’ I came across the advertisement above [Click on it for a better view].

When looking at the double page spread two things struck me:
1: The blond girls cleavage, which is now covered by an enlarged image.
2: The image I have enlarged.

I thought to myself ‘I know that girl’ but where from? It took me about 20 seconds to realise who it was. You see AKTIFMAG is a connoisseur of all things art house and foreign film- especially when it’s about the sex trade. This was a shot taken from a film about underage girls that are kidnapped, raped and forced to work as sex slaves.



The movie is called ‘Lilja 4 Ever’ and the storyline goes like this:

‘After arriving in Sweden, she is greeted by her future "employer" (in reality, a pimp) and taken to a nearly empty apartment where he imprisons her. The pimp rapes Lilya and she is then forced to perform sexual acts for her pimp's clients, while he reaps all the financial gain; all the abuse is seen from Lilya's point of view. Meanwhile in the former Soviet Union, Volodya commits suicide, devastated that Lilya had abandoned him. In the form of an angel, Volodya comes to Lilya to look over her. On Christmas day, he transports Lilya to the roof of the apartment, and, in a moving scene, he gives Lilya the world as a present, but she simply finds it cold and unwelcoming. After one escape attempt Lilya is brutally beaten by her pimp, but she then escapes again with the help of Volodya. Finally, and much to the distress of Volodya (who regrets having killed himself) she commits suicide herself in the continuation of the scene from the beginning of the film by jumping from the bridge’

It’s quite an odd choice of image to promote your nightclub and the clientale that apparently frequent it - underage, suicidal, horrifically abused sex slaves. One would have to assume that the advertisement implies that these types of girls hang around there. I guess they do things differently in far North Queensland or just don’t check their images properly.

Lucky they didn’t use the cover shot from the DVD.

Chip the Bunny makes his professional acting debut

I don't usually post non AKTIFMAG stuff here but AKTIFMAG's resident dwarf lop has turned up on the silver screen, well the internet screen. Watch all his awesomeness @ 1.30 mark.......

Stop bars from giving your change in trays

Over the last few years an evil phenomenon has engulfed our hospitality industry where the bar staff have decided that moving to their taps and pouring you a beer somehow entitles them to not actually hand you back your change but to place it in a tray.
They trust that this lack of decency makes them worthy of a tip, or worse will make you feel guilty or like a tight arse so you will leave your shrapnel [usually $1 and $2 coins] in the tin for them to probably spend on drugs and hair gel. Anyway, tips are for service not a gimmee the 16 times you go to the bar in a night and get served by some pretentious peckerhead who sniggers everytime you order a beer that obviously isn't cool enough.

If you are like me this pisses you off and in the times of the credit crunch [yep, I just mentioned it] we need all the dough we can save. So I have a solution.

Take the tray with you. That’s right, pretend it’s a present- why else would they hand it to you with your money? This will teach them not to do it when their loss of trays outweighs their tip gains. I have started to do this for the last few months as indicated in the picture attach. We have to fight the system together on this one; it’s the only way they’ll learn.


Please join the facebook group Mr Ludic kindly created and start posting pictures of your own trays.

http://www.facebook.com/groups.php?ref=sb#/group.php?gid=82919485813

NOTE: This group isn't against tipping, it's against it being forced onto you for no apparent reason. Everyone should give a little for good service- but not every fucking round every night.

PS- If anyone knows someone with a scrap metal yard I have 67 metallic plates they might be interested in acquiring.

Girls: why you shouldn't give random dudes in bookshops your number

Let me explain the types of guys that go to book stores. They don’t go to read, they go to lurk, holding up a book that makes them seem intelligent, soulful and ‘different’ . In reality they just stole the whole look out of some lame Ethan Hawke movie before he lost all his teeth to smack.

They stand; glancing around over the top of a copy of a Marcel Proust book, with their designer black rimmed glasses, trying to smile awkwardly to attract girls. To me these guys are no better than rapists, because they are the worst kind of sexual predator. They trick women into a false sense of security then they all they want to do is get them back to their pathetic little lair and do wicked things. The worst thing is they believe their own schtick.

Anyway girls here is a good reason not to speak to men in book shops. A girl I know was reading a book [probably a cooking one which all chicks should read] when approached by a seemingly normal guy who we will call ‘Guy’ in a well known bookshop chain we will call ‘Dymocks’. Now after a brief chat, Guy asked for her number. Being the naïve female she is she gave him her number. Big Mistake. A few days later after forgetting all about Guy she received text message one as supplied in the images. Not knowing what it was all about she texted back to him ‘I think you have the wrong number’ to which dirty pervert texted number two message. Nice way to break the ice bro. These messages gradually got worse and unwarranted as there was no response from the recipient. He also seemed to have a little time routine as message 5 went out at exactly the same time as message four but on another day. Now I ask….what should be done to this pervert? Lynch him like they used to do to homosexuals in Tasmania? Give out his number? Or give him a pat on the back for having the ‘balls’ to give it a go?

I say we give him a few phone calls.

Is it just me or does this cat look like it's saying: 'Save me from these fucking idiots' ?

AKTIFMAG's favourite rabbit dances after an E

AKTIFMAG presents: Ethical Bucks Parties

http://www.ethicalbucksparties.com

The launch of AKTIFMAG's latest business adventure, click on the link to see the site or get ion contact if you want a party organised.

It's so refreshing to see a superstar like Jason Coleman remain down to earth

Jason Coleman the international celebrity megastar [for those of you that have never heard of him he is a judge on 'So you think you can Dance' on Channel 10] gave an insight into his refreshingly humble character. Here is a few quotes from some of an article that ran in the Herald Sun

What a gentleman.
I was just thinking how lovely it was that a man of such talent and grace would not let fame go to his head. It was also that he showed empathy with Britney Spears and what she has to deal with. But Scott Illingworth from Perth made this comment below and I just couldn't believe it that he would suggest that it was a pathetic reality TV show. Pull your finger out Scott and show some respect to this megastar.

AKTIFMAG presents: What's worse? Musical/comedy troupes

A new section from AKTIFMAG where we compare things to see what is worse. I'll be launching a site of this soon too.

Musical/comedy troupes

Robert Mugabe- Has been responsible for untold suffering, starvation, suppression of free speech, torture, murder and unimaginable inflation rate




Scared Weird Little Guys- Has been responsible for untold suffering and wearing blue suit jackets.



Worse = Scared weird little guys



Lano and Woodley- World famous for their commercial that featured one of them with a guitar on a tram. Obviously it was an ad set in fantasy world as if it was real someone would’ve gotten up and smash them over the head with it.



Getting bummed by Kyle Sandilands- Nothing short of a humourless smug man beast committing the most beastly of acts on an unwilling participant.



Worse= Lano and Woodley just pip it at the post.




Tripod- One can only judge Tripod on two things here 1- Their appearance 2- the fact they have a guitar.




Concentration camps in winter- Mankind’s darkest shame in the darkest of times.



Worse= No competition. Tripod.

Matthew Hayden and the use of the family marketing machine.

Let me say this up front- I will be extremely surprised if Australian test cricketer Matthew Hayden isn’t nominated for father of the year, or should I say nominate himself.

His painful to watch use of his family in any possible media opportunity including giving a detailed description of what he plans to do on holiday with his children all adds up to a man on a self marketing mission. Instead of telling the truth that he was axed from the Australian team due to poor form he instead sprayed this guff- apparently a conversation between him and his daughter “I just said ‘darling, I think I have had enough, I want to be here’ She said, ‘Daddy. One more Christmas’- she loves the Boxing Day Test match. I said ‘that’s it love. It is time”.

However you don’t have to go far to find talk of the Matthew Hayden away from the camera- the boorish agro that foreign cricketers have criticized for one minute praising God and another abusing an 18 year old debutant in an unprovoked personal attack.

He’s also been in trouble for his redneck outlook on India saying recently ‘that’s the problem with these 3rd world countries’- In a suggestion that any non-anglo nations were 3rd world and players from the sub continent basically cheat. Almost as if their financial status has something to do with their honesty. Yes, the same country that recently gave him a highly lucrative 20 20 contract.

Other examples include a few years ago when Australia was touring the West Indies. The Aussies were playing in one of the poorest regions and Hayden smugly sat on the balcony holding up a book he was reading titled along the lines of ‘How to get rich’.

In front of the camera he loves the constant use of the word ‘mate’ and an insincere smile that wouldn’t be out of place in a corporate brochure. Whenever he is referred to by the media they talk about his love for fishing with his ‘great mate’ Andrew Symonds- another A- grade twat. Other photo opportunities he loves is the ritual of him walking out to the middle of the pitch before a game and sitting down in a yoga like position ‘visualising’ the game. Again gaining the image of a spiritual type along with his references to God. You know it’s most likely an image building and photo opportunity exercise because how can someone visualize and concentrate when they have kids running around them as evidenced by the photo above? But then again maybe that’s why he batted so shit in that match.

Add up his recently well projected media image of

A- Family man
B- Knockabout honest Aussie bloke
C- The outdoors type
D- A Christian

And we have a man able to sell himself to an increasingly ‘family value’ orientated and driven media. I have no problem with him wanting to make a buck but using his children as a ploy to market himself is just painful to watch, leave that to the rugby league players when they're in hot water. His potential endorsements were written about in an article in the Australian today [with a picture of him on scooters with his kids of course] and surprise surprise it reveals he is trying to sell a lifestyle program to a network. Let’s just hope it’s a travel program- after all he knows so much about 3rd world countries.





NOTE: I read this old quote today by Matthew Norman in the Evening Standard regarding the US team's behaviour in Golf's Ryder Cup. It pretty much sums up the Australian cricket team and Matthew Hayden as well:
"Let us be painfully honest about it. Yes, they are repulsive people, charmless, rude, cocky, mercenary, humourless, ugly, full of nauseatingly fake religiosity, and as odious in victory as they are unsporting in defeat."

A health clinic for womyn..ie- Hippy lesbos

Graffiti school- A lesson for taggers in what they are writing

click on the image to see bigger version

AKTIFMAG presents Behind The Name: The story of Oasis

Channel 7- TV from the dark ages

If you've seen Channel 7 you know how bad it is and there's probably no need to explain- that and I can't be bothered typing a well constructed piece right now. Let's just say they ran a show during the Olympics called 'Yum Cha' where they mocked Chinese people. Oh and during the same Olympics they ran montage after montage of the swimming instead of making progressive digital TV focusing on quality extensive coverage.

Probably one of the worst things in recent times is they bought the rights to the NSL [old football/soccer league in Australia] but they allegedly refused to broadcast it in what was a fear driven attempt to kill the game in Australia as the AFL was their golden boy and football was a threat to it.

Plus what can we say about racist xenophobic crap like Today Tonight and Border Patrol? It really is TV from the 70's or 80's.

So here is some piss-take posters that some bloke at the local shops made up.

Blast from the past- AKTIFMAG site circa 2002-3

It was a lot better then.

AKTIFMAG presents Behind The Name: The story of Meatloaf

AKTIFMAG presents Behind The Name: The story of 50 cent

AKTIFMAG's disgust at the service in Subway: Sandwich Artist?

A letter written to Subway from AKTIFMAG's Chief international writer and food critic- Mr Dixon:




Sandwich Artist?

To whom it may concern,

I’ve been a fan of your restaurants and have enjoyed the many wonderful tastes your Sandwich Artists have dished up across the globe throughout my life. So it pains me to be writing this letter.

I’m from Australia originally. At home I know that when I have a healthy, thirty-centimeter-sized hunger, there’s only one place to turn. Down under, our Sandwich Artists take pride in the quality of their ingredients and in crafting their respective masterpieces. I vividly remember recounting my first experience at Subway to my parents; testifying that one day, with enough dedication and hard work, I hoped to be accepted amongst the top ranks of the great Sandwich Artists of our time.

I’m writing because I fear for Canada’s youth, those who dream my very dream. Those whose hopes will be killed by a franchise that has forgotten the essence of what it is to be… an Artist.

While I would like to say this complaint is an isolated affair, I cannot. Over the past few months the Subway at Nelson and Mainland (in Vancouver) has descended beneath the acceptable level of service. And I am actually surprised that someone from your head office hasn’t been sent in for damage control.

The situation has hit rock-bottom.

Yesterday at midday I had a hunger only a roast chicken breast Sub could satisfy. I headed downstairs to my local Subway and waited in line. As I mentioned earlier, this Subway has been showing signs of decline. A main factor in its downward spiral is a girl who works there and is a disgrace to the Subway name. As such, she’s been nick-named ‘Hack’ by many customers who have had the displeasure of her service. Whilst Hack is part of a team that is overall very poor, she is by far the worst. When you order at this Subway, you play a type of ‘Russian Roulette’… always living in fear that the rotation system of staff will click its way to Hack taking your order.

When I reached the front of the line, I drew a bullet. Hack asked me what I was having. I ordered politely, received my sandwich and left.

When I returned to my office, I sat down and opened the wrapping only to find a heap of salad and chicken in front of me, smeared with what I had requested to be “just a little mayonnaise…” Hungry and tired from the long line and stress of ordering through Hack, I dug into the steaming mess with only a little hesitation. How I regret my foolishness. While I expected a mushy, soft texture, the warm-plastic-disc of chicken that lay inside was an unnecessary surprise. It was a rock-hard piece of processed chicken, warm and furry, with a smell that upset my co-workers.

For the sake of my health, and your lawyers, I thank god that I didn’t swallow that chicken.

Furious, I stormed back to Subway, past a line of customers to return this ‘sandwich’. The staff kept busy, neglecting to see I was upset (and almost physically ill). I showed them the ‘chicken breast’, to which they casually replied: “you’ll have to head to the end of the line if you want a replacement”. A replacement! A f#cking replacement!?!??

I asked for my money back and gave Hack a very serious glare. She looked at me, like a deer caught in headlights. A deer with no concept of flavour or customer service. A deer that had ruined my dream. A deer that should be put down.

I won’t visit a Subway again unless this Subway is shut down and the staff is retrained. If you don’t have the resources in North America, then get the Sandwich Artists from Australia to help. Then re-open only when you’re certain that no-one’s health will be in jeopardy.

At the very least, get rid of Hack. She is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Kind regards

Mr Dixon

The truth about Soft Drink advertising

So has anyone seen the Sprite ad campaign about 'A thirst for truth?' They are about 'hunting for the truth'. Sprite said in a nicely worded press release that they wanted to expose some truths. Anyway I saw the ads last night at the train station and instantly thought 'Why doesn't AKTIFMAG help them?'. First is their version then a few AKTIFMAG's thirst for truth.

AKTIFMAG's guide to Sumo